


I Just Want You In My Arms

by onefootintheboilinghotlava



Series: You're Not A Wreck [4]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: ALL IN THE PAST, All in the past though, Blood, Blood and Injury, Damn I forgot abt the slight smut, Damnit, I SWEAR ITS AT LEAST HURT/COMFORT, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Violence, Violence, comfort/hurt, read the post note for specific ones?, trigger warning, why does this fluffy fic has so many horrible tags?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:19:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8003476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onefootintheboilinghotlava/pseuds/onefootintheboilinghotlava
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'You're Not A Wreck' and 'The Morning After'</p><p>After a while, Magnus finally figured he could open up more to Alec, and see where their relationship would go from there. </p><p>(For those who don't bother to read the in-between scene: The Morning After)<br/>*Alec and Magnus made a pact after 'You're Not A Wreck' about their relationship, deciding not to get together right away. So that they could work on their issues.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Just Want You In My Arms

**Author's Note:**

> So hmm trigger warning for Magnus' past, some part I took from the original with a little twist and other I took liberty with it. Read End Notes for specific triggers which would include kinda spoiler? But not too important anyway?  
> Also this is my first with smut, so forgive me that it's short and jumbling together? I might go practice on that though...

It did not take them long to establish a routine for the summer, as it should have been. Magnus went back to going on shopping trips with Izzy every week, while Jace and Alec would head over to the archery range. Max came over every weekend to have his siblings and Magnus spoil him with ice-cream, comic books and delicious food. Clary would come often whenever an inspiration popped in and she would spend a day at Magnus and Alec’s to paint and draw, making Magnus join her as well. Magnus agreed to meet with Lydia, Alec’s friend from his study group, to help him map out his courses and work for the next semester, so that he could keep his scholarship in tow. Everyone else could see that Magnus would always lean closer to Alec whenever they held a movie night at their place and halfway through the first movie, Magnus would always have curled up against Alec with his arm linked to the other boy’s. Jace was the only one that was oblivious enough to send a questioning glance towards the pair when it first happened, but Alec’s death glare was enough to shut him down. (It made Simon snicker, that Jace would be the most oblivious one, sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch, earning him a smack on the head by Jace. Yet it only made Simon laugh harder and had everyone else glaring at him for interrupting the movie.)

They had been sleeping together in Alec’s room mostly since that night. It was better for both of them, that Alec was assured that he could be there with Magnus, that Magnus would always be reminded that he was not entirely alone. They somehow agreed to be in Alec’s room, so that Magnus’ room could be used completely for his extra project, while Alec would work in the sitting room since his work requires less space than Magnus’.

Occasionally, Magnus would still drink himself to sleep in his own room, locking the door and skipping dinner. Yet every morning after that, Alec would find the door unlocked and found Magnus sleeping soundly. He would always put down a mug of water and some food on the bedside table, before he headed out for the day, leaving a kiss on the unconscious guy’s forehead.

Magnus still did not know how Alec managed to convince both Ragnor AND Raphael to teach him how to cook some of Magnus’ favourite dishes. Alec would alternate his visits to Ragnor and Raphael’s place for these ‘cooking lessons’. Though Magnus remained the best cook among them, it did warm his heart whenever Alec cooked those dishes for him. (Ragnor and Raphael would deny to the end of the world that they joined forces with Catarina to learn to cook Magnus’ favourite dishes after Magnus’ break-up with that boy Imasu.)

It was a sunny afternoon when things seemed to take a turn for the worse, after three weeks of seemingly normality. Magnus came back from school, where he had been working on an extra project that might earn him a slightly better grade. However, as soon as he passed by Alec who was on the couch, Alec smelled the familiar scent of whiskey on him again. Magnus did not appear drunk, but Alec knew his friend had a high tolerance with alcohol. Alec grabbed his wrist before Magnus could walk into his own room.

‘Stay, I will bring you blanket and water, okay? Just…stay in the sitting room. I’m gonna start on cooking dinner anyway.’

Alec knew better than to ask Magnus immediately what had happened, still he’d rather have Magnus drinking in whatever comfort he could have in the apartment with Alec, instead of sulking alone in his room and wrapped in his own mind for the remaining evening. Magnus obeyed and laid down on the couch, while Alec turned and went to grab blanket and water for him. Alec kissed his forehead as he covered Magnus with the blanket.

‘I will just get started, so take a nap if you want.’ Alec whispered.

It worried him a little that even then Magnus had not given any response, yet he knew better than to push him. Thus, Alec went back to the stove and continued cooking. Just as he was pouring the dish onto the plate, he could hear the light snoring from the couch. Alec glanced over the window, seeing that the sky had not gone all dark and decided to let Magnus sleep a little longer. Though he knew that Magnus still had issues and it won’t be the last time he came home drunk or had been drinking, Alec still went into a mild kind of panic because he was again not sure what he could do for Magnus. Though Magnus seemed to be better in the past weeks or so, he still hadn’t talked much about what else was bothering him. Alec did think about asking Catarina or Raphael about Magnus’ past, but then he knew it would only anger Magnus once he knew, also Catarina and Raphael would only shoo him back to ask Magnus himself. He knew that even knowing it from someone else, it would not help Magnus communicates better with him, nor would it help Magnus to deal with it. Deciding to spend his time on something more constructive than let his mind run in circles, Alec decided to whip up some chocolate chip cupcakes. He knew Magnus tended to pretend he was alright before he decided he was alright to talk about whatever was on his mind. Thus, Alec was hoping that some sweet dessert would help set the mood for Magnus to talk, if he would want to talk about it later that night at all.

‘Alec?’

Magnus finally woke up and walked over to the kitchen counter.

However, the noise made by their old oven covered Magnus’ croaked mumble. Thus Alec almost threw the entire tray of cupcakes up in the air when he turned around and saw Magnus standing right in front of him. Thankfully, Magnus was quick enough to steady the tray on Alec’s hand, as well as holding down Alec’s waist so that he won’t fall.

‘Wow Magnus, you gave me a fright.’

Alec released a breath after realizing the cupcakes were fine and it was only Magnus.

‘Well I also saved you and the cupcakes, so forgive me?’

It seemed only Magnus would always be able to deliver a snarky remark, even when the guy just woke up from a nap. The sight of a just-woke Magnus, with all his smudged make-up, messed-up hair, yet carrying a smirk on his lips were too much for Alec’s ‘just recovering from a fright’ state. Thus, he could only put down the tray on the counter and muttered.

‘Yup, okay. Dinner on the coffee table? You can pick something to watch.’

‘You sure you’re letting me pick? Not gonna complain when it’s all about fashion again?’ Magnus teased.

‘Can we watch A Game of Thrones instead? At least the plot entertains me and you can throw in your comments on all the costumes and sets? And I will bribe you with those cupcakes?’Alec groaned.

‘Fine. Just this once, but only because even Izzy had been talking non-stop about how amazing those costumes and the actresses look and that those cupcakes look irresistible.’

While Magnus was setting the tv up, Alec settled their dinner and cupcakes on the coffee table, pulling it closer to the couch, so that they could reach for their food easily while curling up on the couch. Since Alec had watched all the existing episodes and Magnus did not really care about the series, they randomly picked out a season to watch. As much as Alec was glad that Magnus would finally understand what Simon and he had been referencing, he did not expect Magnus’ non-stop questions of where the characters came from. He had half a mind to scream at his friend to just go watch the whole thing from season one, another half amused to see how Magnus reacted to his own narration of what happened to those characters while attempting to not spoil Magnus too much of the story. At least he was correct to predict that Magnus would love the costumes shown in the show and started giving commentary to the costumes with the settings and characters. They were halfway through the series when Alec decided that they both needed to rest and turned off the tv. As they joined forces to clean up, one washing up and one drying up the dishes in perfect harmony, he had no idea whether or not Magnus would wanna talk that night or not, but he was still hoping for it to happen sooner than later.

Once they were done, Magnus turned to Alec.

‘I’ll go shower first, see you on your bed?’ He asked.

‘Sure, I still have to write a few emails before bed.’ Alec answered, as he glanced Magnus walk into the bathroom, yearning that Magnus would just let him know what was on his mind.

He quickly wrapped up whatever he needed to do for school and went for a shower. As he walked into his own room, he found Magnus hugging the hell of of his pillow and the bedside lamp deemed. It was not until he was right in front of the bed that he found Magnus lightly sobbing. Alec slipped into the bed and wrapped his arms around Magnus, taking away the pillow from Magnus’ grip.

‘Hey it’s alright. I am right here with you, okay?’

Again, Alec found himself peppering Magnus with kisses and rubbing on his back muscles to sooth him. Magnus stopped sobbing after a while, letting Alec wipe his tears with swipes on the bedside table.

‘Let’s just go to sleep. You gotta be very tired.’ Alec smiled to him.

Magnus stared straight into Alec’s eyes, for so long that Alec was finding it uncomfortable.

‘What? Is my face funny or anything? I am sure I….’

‘You are really gonna let me go for drinking outside today? That I broke the rules?’ Magnus asked.

‘Oh……That? Yeah I know we agreed on the pact, but I was just waiting for you to spill it yourself? I mean, if you drink outside, it’s gotta be bad, right? And I just didn’t want to push you when you are already feeling worse? Besides, I kinda believe that you will come to me and talk about it sooner or later, so……’

‘You are that sure I’ll come talk to you?’ Magnus asked again.

‘Yup. Or at least that you would figure out a way to let it out. Magnus, the pact is to let both of us be better and more comfortable with each other. It’s not something so that I would force you to spill everything to me. It is not to force you to let me help you. It is just that you know for sure that I will be there, if you ever need something from me, that you wouldn’t be afraid to ask.’

‘So is it okay if I wanna break another rule on the pact? As long as it goes with what you just said?’ Magnus whispered in Alec’s ear.

‘Yeah? I guess?’ Alec stutter under Magnus’ intense gaze.

Not a moment later, he found Magnus’ lips attacked his own. When he recovered from the shock, he opened his mouth further to allow Magnus full-on assaulting him with his lips and returned the kiss with matching enthusiasm. They kissed with so much passion that Magnus practically flipped on top of Alec, instead of beside him, his hands roaming over Alec’s body through his shirt. They were both panting when breathing had become too much of a necessity for them.

Still, Magnus’ hot breath on Alec’s chest and realizing that it was the first kiss between the two of them caused him to slow down his panting.

‘Not that I don’t love it, but where did that come from?’ Alec questioned.

‘Alexander, the extent that you are willing to go for me is way beyond my imagination. That kiss is one thing I could do to properly let you know how much I appreciate that from you.’ Magnus smiled.

‘Well in that case…… I wouldn’t be opposed to more you showing your appreciation of me.’ Alec teased.

Without skipping a beat, Magnus immediately launched his lips on Alec’s once more. If that first kiss was passionate, this one was practically fuelled by hunger. Somehow Alec found his hands slipping under Magnus’ shirt, drawing in every line and muscle of his back, pushing his shirt up halfway up. As their lips separated by the need to breathe, Magnus’ lips found their way back on Alec’s neck, licking and sucking on his sensitive skin. In turn, Alec tugged on Magnus’ shirt, impatience to get the material off him. Magnus took notice and stopped attacking Alec’s neck for a moment, enough for Alec to take the shirt off him. Alec reattached their lips together once again and flipped their position, with himself on top of Magnus. It was then Magnus’ turn to rid Alec of his shirt. Both of their hands roamed through each other’s front and back, taking in each other’s body. It was only until Alec kissed down a trail from Magnus’ collarbone to close to his nipples, that Magnus stopped his movements and panted.

‘Alec, stop. We gotta stop.’

It took Alec a few moments to sink in what Magnus had just said and climbed off Magnus. He turned to face Magnus, keeping one of his hands holding Magnus’ arm. Magnus chuckled, seeing the confused expression on Alec’s face.

‘You are so adorable when you’re confused. I swear I will try my best to make that happen.’

It took a moment for Magnus to compose himself to answer Alec’s unasked question.

‘Regardless of your willingness to ignore some of the rules, I do think it was best that we don’t have sex tonight, Alexander. I knew I couldn’t hold it together if we went any further just moments earlier, especially since I have thought of jumping your bone months ago.’

‘Oh yeah…you are probably right. I got…carried away.’

Alec stuttered, realizing what he was about to do to Magnus in the heat of the moment, remembering his initial thought of getting Magnus to talk about whatever was on his mind. Such thought brought him both embarrassment and guilt, of wanting Magnus before they were on better term with themselves and each other. He could feel his cheek and neck getting hot from blushing. In order to have something to do with his hands, he leaned forward to grab his shirt which got thrown to the end of the bed.

‘To be fair, I did start kissing you first, Alexander.’ Magnus teased, still leaning on the headboard.

Just as Alec was about to put his shirt back on, Magnus held his wrist.

’Still, that doesn’t mean we couldn’t do half-naked cuddles tonight, right?’ He asked, playfulness in his tone.

Still Alec could see the brief nervousness in his eyes. He couldn’t turn down his request, not when he craved whatever intimacy with Magnus as well, not when he just tasted a dollop of how much they both wanted each other.

‘Yeah okay. Let just go to sleep.’

Alec agreed, lying back down to the bed, dragging Magnus down with him and held him tight.

Magnus turned his back against him, having Alec straight-out spooning him.

‘I think it’s better I don’t be tempted by your handsome face tonight, though.’ Alec could hear the smile in Magnus’ words.

He pressed his hands on Magnus’ chest tighter.

‘On one condition, though?’

He was afraid such request would scare Magnus away, but he also felt like it was time he at least tried to coax the man in question to talk.

‘Hmm sure, Alexander. Whatever you want from me.’ Magnus easily promised.

‘Promise me you’ll tell me what’s been bothering you. Let me know, is that alright?’ Alec whispered.

He could feel Magnus tensed in his arms, thus immediately he wanted to remedy that, hoping Magnus won’t close back up on him just with one question.

‘I mean, not now, but just please? When you feel comfortable and maybe wanna? I just really……’

It frustrated Alec to no end that he always failed to properly deliver his meaning to Magnus. Still, it seemed to relax Magnus a little, as he leaned back closer to Alec.

‘Yes, Alexander. I promise you I will tell you and we will talk. Somehow, I just never know where to start……’ Magnus explained.

Alec held up Magnus’ hands and put them both on Magnus’ chest.

‘Just start with whatever your mind tells you to, we’ll figure it out together. Or maybe just getting it out would be more than enough for you…We can take it slow, Magnus. You don’t need to spill everything at once. And I don’t think that’s how you actually deal with them anyway.’

Alec teased a little, hoping to lighten the mood again.

‘So can we just sleep for now?’

Magnus held up their hands and kissed Alec’s knuckles.

‘Yes and we can have chocolate chip pancakes tomorrow, alright?’ Alec, in return, kissed on his earlobe.

‘Good night, Alexander.’

It took Alec a moment to realize the words ‘Love you’ was gonna slip out of his mouth. Thus, only a few beats later, he replied.

’See you in the morning, Magnus.’

 

* * *

 

 

Things went back to normal for about a week or two. One day, as Alec went back home in the evening, he was surprised by the two houseguests they had. Raphael was groaning complaints and chopping something on the kitchen counter, while Magnus was cooking something on the stove that smelled amazing. On the couch, sat Izzy flipping through a magazine and laughing at something that Magnus just said. A few bags of clothes, at least Alec assumed those were fashion brands, laid in perfect order by the couch.

‘Raphael I gotta say, when it comes to suits, you do have a better taste than Magnus.’ Izzy chuckled.

‘Hey darling, I take offence in what you just said, I am so gonna take away your dessert privilege for that!’ Magnus exclaimed.

‘Just admit it, your flowery and sparkly style aren’t applicable to everyone and every occasion.’ Raphael snickered as he handed the chopped carrots to Magnus.

‘While I could carry such level of flowery and sparkle usually, Meliorn did require me to wear a more formal attire for the occasion, it is kinda important. At least he loves the lingerie you picked for me last time, Magnus.’

Seeing Magnus’ pout, Izzy added on and that had both Magnus and Raphael bursted into laughter. And that was when Raphael looked back up that he finally saw Alec standing in the hallway.

‘Ah and there is the archer boy, did our fashion talk freeze you to the spot?’

Raphael teased, while Izzy practically jumped up from the couch and hugged Alec.

‘No, I just never knew you two knew each other…’ was the only thing that blurted out of Alec’s mouth in response.

‘Hey big brother, we were just waiting for you!’ She tugged Alec into the living room.

Magnus turned around and flashed him a smile before answering Alec’s question.

‘Well as you might have heard, your dear sister needed a more formal and fancy gown and suit picked out for her date with Meliorn next week, so I invited Raphael who owned way more suits than any other human being on earth to help, thus introducing them. And now, as you see, they are teaming up against my fashion senses.’ Magnus dramatically sighed.

‘Okay I have to leave for my own date now. It’s been a delight meeting you, younger Lightwood, even in the horrible presence of one Magnus Bane.’

With that, Raphael walked past the Lightwood siblings to the door.

‘Love you too, Santiago.’ Magnus said without turning his head.

‘See you soon, Raphael.’ Izzy grinned.

Only when Raphael was out of the door and Alec finally sitting down on the couch with Izzy that he asked.

‘So what is it that you were waiting for me?’

‘I need you to practice dancing with me, as much as Magnus is amazing at it, he refused to practice with me once he knew you know how to dance.’ Alec winced at that.

‘Why why Alexander, would you try to hide the fact that you know how to dance?’ Magnus teased, as he joined the two on the other armchair.

‘Because I only went so that Izzy would have a partner? And I only ever learnt formal dancing?’ Alec stuttered.

‘Anyway brother, no time to waste, I need to meet with Meliorn sharp at eight thirty, I need you to practice with me RIGHT NOW.’

Izzy dragged Alec up from the couch and winked at Magnus, signalling him to turn on the cd player. Alec sighed and got into position with Izzy. Putting his hand on his sister’s waist, her hand on his shoulder, it seemed to be quite a while since they had such time to do something together. He smiled to Izzy, as the music started to play in the background. Every motion seemed to come back to him as second nature, seeing his sister grinning happily. He remembered Izzy was so mad when the dancing teacher said Alec was the best in the class by the end of the lesson, and her dragging him to another dance class just out of spite of that and he was still better than her in the second class. Yet she finally turned to tease him the hell out of this, instead of being mad that he was better than her. He loved that he could still help out his sister with her dates. No matter how independent and strong Izzy had come to be, Alec would always relish in chances that she needed him around. Soon the song ended and it was only Magnus’ clapping that made Alec opened his eyes, he did not even notice when he had closed them during the dance. He loosened his hands with Izzy and stood in front of Magnus, waiting for his comments.

‘Well, Isabelle you certainly still have the skills and I think that should be enough for Meliorn to expect from you. Alexander……let’s just say I am glad you are not going to this date, or else I’m pretty sure Meliorn would ditch Izzy and dance with you instead.’ Magnus smirked.

‘Hey! That’s not fair!’ Izzy poked at Magnus’ side, pouting, while Alec was blushing hard standing still.

‘Ow, Isabelle. That hurts! You were the one asked for my honest opinion AND I’m sure your brothers would beat the hell out of Meliorn if he ditched you AFTER you beat him up yourself, darling.’ Magnus explained.

‘Well why don’t you two practice a few more times? I will go grab my sketchbook and work on something, is that alright?’

Magnus asked as he stood up from the couch, pressing play on the cd player and walked into his room. Izzy eagerly looked at Alec, seeing him smile and nodded. The two returned to their positions and swayed gently to the music.

‘You know, it has been a while since we’ve had some time together. It seems I spend more time with Magnus than you sometimes.’ Izzy started.

‘Well, that’s only because you only ever go on fashion expeditions that I refuse to go. Maybe you should come to the archery range with Jace and me sometimes.’ Alec teased.

‘Wait…Is that my big brother teasing me ABOUT fashion? What have you done with my big brother, who only ever groaned at fashion?’ Izzy pretended to be surprised.

‘Maybe Magnus has it growing on me? Still, I am NOT coming with you to any shopping trips, but I won’t disagree to some dancing once in a while with you.’ Alec grinned.

As another song ended, Izzy held her hands around Alec, pulling him closer and hugged him. ‘I just miss you sometimes. I know we see each other pretty often, but you never really talk about what’s going on in your life and I miss our alone time back home.’ Alec held on for a moment longer before he pulled a little further, so he could look at his sister.

‘I promise I will talk to you, whenever I need to, okay? I know that you are always there for me.’

‘I love you, Alec.’ Izzy loosened her grip on Alec and beamed.

‘Love you too, sis. Now go, isn’t it time for you to go?’

‘Don’t worry Isabelle, I will shove your brother to you whenever I see he needs you around.’

It was only then the two realized Magnus had been leaning on the doorframe and watching them. Izzy walked up to him and hugged him.

‘Thanks, Magnus. For today, for inviting Raphael and for looking after my idiot of a brother.’ Izzy whispered to his ear.

‘Trust me, I’m sure it’s more likely for your brother to look after me, instead of the other way round.’ Magnus laughed.

‘In case you didn’t notice, you do cook for my brother, you do make sure he doesn’t go out with a shirt with too many holes on it. And you make it easier for him to smile. I know my brother and I notice when he finally loosen up a little bit more than before. Now have a nice night with him!’

With that, Izzy walked to the door.

‘Bye, guys. Have fun tonight! I will send all the deets to you two later!’ She turned and they closed the door.

Just then, the oven beeped.

‘Well ain’t it perfect timing, our dinner is ready, Alexander.’

Magnus walked gracefully to the oven, with Alec closely following. He wore the oven mitt and took out the dish, which only then Alec saw it was a lasagna.

‘Set the table, will you? I just need to check if the soup is still warm and we can eat.’

Magnus asked, as he lowered the lasagna onto the table, then returned to the stove which still had a pot of soup warming up on it. Soon, both the lasagna and soup were set on the table, with the two sitting on the opposite sides.

‘So what is the occasion? I never recall having soup on our daily menu?’ Alec joked, as he poured some into his bowl, then into Magnus’.

‘Well, I deem it unjust to have you tried cooking dishes from my homeland but never really eating them, so it is high time that you try one dish made by me. Also, Izzy told me that you used to love lasagna when you were younger, so I figure…it could also be my turn to cook something you like?’

Magnus was focusing way too hard on cutting the lasagna into equal sizes, as he replied. Though he was not blushing, Alec could spot his ears getting redder than their usual shade. His hand went across the table and tilted Magnus’ chin towards himself.

‘Well, in that case, thank you Magnus.’

Alec hoped that Magnus would understand that his gratitude went beyond the food itself. Magnus smiled shyly in return and they both dug into the food. Conversation flowed naturally, as they exchanged on their respective days. Soon, Magnus was laughing at how Jace embarrassed himself with daring Alec to have a match with him. Alec almost spat the soup in his mouth, when Magnus describe what kind of lingerie Raphael had suggested to Izzy. Magnus pouted when Alec was too distracted by the lasagna to hear how Izzy and Raphael had tormented him on his choice of suits. All too soon, they had finished the food, cleaned the dishes and laid themselves comfortably on the couch.

‘So what are we watching tonight?’

After lying there in silence for a while, Alec questioned. Magnus then curled himself against Alec, interlocking their hands together, looked up to Alec.

‘Actually…I was hoping we’d talk tonight. Raphael was here, not just because your sister needed a suit expert, but…I asked him to come so I could talk with him before telling you everything.’

‘Oh huh…Yeah sure. So you gonna start?’

Alec squeezed on Magnus’ hand that he was hold, reassuring him that this was gonna be alright.

‘So…hmm…well you might notice I never talk much about family. That’s because I’m kind of an orphan. My mum was too poor and miserable since my biological father left her to raise me. She tried her best, I still recalled glimpses of her singing lullaby when I was a few years old. Still, she left me the biggest horror when I was maybe seven or eight and returned home to find she hung herself in the house. I screamed and wailed until someone came. I didn’t even remember what happened after that. It was just too much……I wouldn’t…a kid wouldn’t know……what does it even mean when you found your mother dead like that……’

Magnus’ breath gone shaky, though no tears threatened to fall, Alec still squeezed his hands tighter, hoping to deliver some comfort.

'I was then adopted by a neighbour. I was scared and just didn’t know what to do, being in a completely new environment and no one ever talked to me of how I found my mother hung herself. So I just didn’t talk much and didn’t react to pretty much anything. It was more than enough for the neighbours to consider me a weirdo or just bad luck, but a kid like me wouldn’t know…Still, that was more than enough for the two boys in the adopted family to start poking fun of me, playing pranks on me…Soon enough, they were outright calling me names and just beat me out of sheer boredom of some sort. I never fought back, well almost…’

Magnus took another breath before continuing the story, while Alec kept rubbing circles on his hand, hoping to bring at least some comfort.

‘Until that one time, they pushed me against the wall and my head was bleeding. Maybe I finally had enough, or it was adrenaline from the blood loss, I punched one of them on the nose…Unsurprisingly, the other ran and shouted to their dad about it. He was naturally furious that his son was hurt by this outcast boy, if his unwillingness to take me in hadn’t been obvious with how he just let his boys torment me. He beat me out of the house and dragged me away from the house. I was already dizzy from the blood loss and somehow just fainted at some point. It wasn’t a few days later that I found myself in a hospital and Ragnor introducing himself to me. Somehow he found me in the field and called the ambulance. He…was from an orphanage as well, so he talked to someone there and brought me in. According to him, since I couldn’t remember all of it, it took me a long while to talk to him or the staff there about what happened to my parents. It took me more than a year to adjust to that life and somewhat could interact normally with other people. It was only then they admitted me in school and the rest is history.’

Magnus stood up from Alec and smiled bitterly, walking towards the fridge. 

‘Well this is where I need the cheesecake I made earlier and some wine, Alexander.’

He then took out the cake from the fridge and poured out two glasses of wine, putting the items on the coffee table respectively. Alec did not know how to respond. It all sounded like a story coming from Magnus’ mouth, yet to process that all this did happen to the same person was as tough as linking fantasy with reality. It was only this break, that Alec’s mind could finally try to assimilate what Magnus’ just said into the person that was in front of him. Alec took the glass gratefully from Magnus, and they returned to their initial position on the couch. They both needed the extra alcohol to continue.

‘So hmm…Here is where I am not sure what I need to talk about and what not. It is all so confusing when I try to put it back into perspective, that everything I felt back then and how it slipped and took root in my mind, some I am not even sure anymore……So if it confuses you, just let me know. Though it is definitely gonna be more possible that even I don’t know how to make it not confusing.’

Magnus said apologetically to Alec, as he picked up a piece of cheesecake with his hand from the coffee table, gesturing it towards Alec.

’So the cheesecake is to make it not confusing?’

Alec, both in attempting to lighten the mood a little, as well as completely had no idea how to respond whatsoever.

‘Maybe?’ Magnus smiled a little, yet Alec recognized that spark of vulnerability he had seen from the night which Magnus drunkenly confessed to what he needed.

Alec wrapped his hands around Magnus’ again and kissed on them.

‘Just say whatever comes to your mind. It doesn’t need to make sense, because feelings never really do anyway? We can only hope we could understand each other most of the time, don’t we?’

Alec reassured Magnus.

‘Yeah okay, since when you become so wise and sensible? Anyway, so…..I just never think that anyone would really want to spend time with me? After I got into the orphanage, it took Ragnor and Catarina quite a while to drag me into playing with the other kids there. Ragnor and I were quickly friends, I remembered he was the one who saved me and that left me someone I could recount what really happened to me. It took me longer to warm up to Catarina, but Ragnor was good friends with her, so I grew to trust her as well. It didn’t take me long to realize that in order to survive school, I needed to build up a story, or a personnel, so that the people would welcome me, wouldn’t bully me and whatnot. I guess I just never really think anyone would wanna be around me on their own terms. Still having traces of my mother in my mind somehow makes it all worst when you knew you were once cared for, maybe even loved, yet that someone still chose to let go of you, still prefer death over you. In time, it became easier to believe that I just wasn’t worth anyone’s effort. It certainly got better when Catarina started to drag Ragnor and I to drawing classes. Ragnor hated it, but somehow I got into it. Having a hobby or two helps the whole school thing as well…… Anyhow, you’d think I’d be crying as I tell you about my past, but weirdly enough I am not right now?’

Magnus took a deep breath and stared blankly into the empty wine glass he was still holding. Alec took it away from him, putting it down on the coffee table. Then he slightly shoved Magnus to the side, lifting his legs onto the couch, positioning him into sitting across his lap and hands wrapping around his shoulders. He made sure Magnus was gazing at him before he made a response.

‘Even if no one had made you feel you are wanted, desired and needed around doesn’t mean that you aren’t. I will not say I understand how you feel from everything you got through because I genuinely don’t. The only thing I can really think of is that…I always want to spend time with you, no matter you are not talking or concentrating on your work or ranting on stupid teachers. I would always want to know what’s going with your everyday. Whether if you are late to class again, have a horrible lunch or missed the bus, I’d wanna know, or at least be glad I could watch you ranting about it. I want you around.’

Alec caressed his hands on Magnus’ cheeks, gently swiping away the teardrop, the ones that were the same from the night Magnus confessed of what he desired. Alec held him closer, close enough for him to kiss on his cheeks.

‘You know that I mean every kiss, every hug and every touch with you, right?’

Alec wanted to be sure, that Magnus could feel his love, in case his words would not be enough to persuade him.

‘I….. Hoped for it…But never sure until now.’

Magnus cracked a smile from his tears, making his eyes sparkle a little in the dark room.

‘Well then I will kiss you until you are completely persuaded tonight.’

With that, Alec peppered kisses on Magnus’ cheeks, chin, nose, forehead before finally kissing him on the mouth. He poured everything that Magnus had ever let him feel, every moment he wished he could be with him and every thought of him into the kiss. He nibbled on Magnus’ lower lip before letting his tongue sweep into Magnus’ mouth. Magnus sucked on his lips harder in return, taking every inch of Alec’s mouth as given to him. The two parted only when they needed oxygen, both panting and staring right into each other’s eyes.

‘Now you get it?’ Alec murmured.

Magnus whimpered at his words, before answering in the softest tone possible.

‘Yes, Alexander.’

Tears still blinking from Magnus’ eyes, but instead of the brokenness in it, it held a glint of joy and softness in it. Alec could not imagine that he was responsible for causing such an expression, so devoted and loving to him. Alec easily swiped Magnus up, since their position was perfect for Alec to just hold him up and stand up, walked towards the washroom. He only put him down when they reached to the shower.

‘What are you doing exactly now?’ Magnus held a hint of amusement and curiosity in his voice.

‘Well I want us to get comfortable in bed as soon as possible, so that I could stay true to my promise of kissing you until you are completely persuaded tonight. But since we both need a shower and all the silly little things to be done before we could go to bed, I figure…if you are up for it, we could shower together. I don’t want to miss any chance of caressing you and letting you know how much you are cared for. That is if you are comfortable with the idea.’

Alec blushed as he explained.

‘Alexander, if this is any coy attempt of yours to undress me, or want to have sex with me, I assure you you don’t even have to ask next time. You can do whatever you want with me. I’m……yours.’ Magnus winked.

Not buying Magnus’ playful reply, Alec stepped forward and let his fingers touch upon Magnus’ shirt, slipping from his shoulders to his back. He held the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, with Magnus lifting his arms in accordance. He caressed through Magnus’ back muscle, sliding through the trace of his spine.

‘I mean it, Magnus. I don’t want to jump you tonight, at least not yet, I just want you to take every touch I could give you.’

Alec breathed onto Magnus’ neck, as his hands fumbled with Magnus’ belt and zipper. Meanwhile, Magnus could only try not to whimper at every touch the other boy was giving him, his every touch felt like fire on Magnus and yet it was so gentle that he could only stand there and allow Alec to do whatever the hell he wanted.

‘Well aren’t you gonna return the favour? I don’t want to get my hands off you and I don’t think wearing clothes in a shower is constructive at all.’

Alec teased at Magnus’ frozen posture.

‘Alexander, you rendered me speechless way more often than I would ever like to admit.’

Only then Magnus seemed to be able to give some sort of response to Alec, as his hands wasted no time in getting rid of Alec’s shirt. By the time his hands reached the hem of Alec’s boxers, Alec had already gotten him naked. As soon as they were both naked, Alec kicked the pile of clothes out of the shower and kept his hand around Magnus’ waist as he turned on the shower-head. They kissed under the water for a while, both having their hands to take in every inch of each other’s body, taking all the time in the world. Magnus leaned his head on Alec’s shoulder, whispering to his ear.

‘You sure we are not having shower sex?’

The words got Alec’s heart trembling, heat travelling through his whole body, had him shiver against Magnus’ words. Having Magnus so close to him, both of them completely naked, it took every ounce of Alec’s self-control to not say yes to Magnus.

‘No. I really just want to wash you. Besides, we agreed. Magnus, no sex until we really are together.’ He gently replied.

Magnus took a step back in the confined space that they had in a shower.

‘About that, Alexander…I was thinking that maybe after I told you about my past we could be together for real, but……I swear I am not having second thoughts about you and me, I have felt like we are together ever since I kissed you that first time. I want to be closer with you, I am yours in every sense I could think of so far, but I am so scared that we won’t work at some point…..I can’t seem to decide whether or when do we count as really together…Do you even want me, considering the state that I’m in, for us to really be together? Am I really getting better to the point that I can take care of you?’

Alec stepped forward again, reaching for the shower gel and squeezing a considerable amount on his hands. He rubbed it against his palms before he gently rubbed it on Magnus’ body. Only then, he replied.

‘Magnus, I want to be with you. There is no “the state” that you are in, you are you whenever and I love that. I love that you could finally feel like sharing your past with me. I love that you would take your time and effort to make it till today with me. I love that you are around to remind me to rest and eat when I would be concentrating on school. I love that you would held me tighter just a few nights ago when my mother called to make further judgement on my life. And us getting together isn’t just about taking care of each other, it is as simply as we want to be there with each other.’

Halfway through his reply, Magnus seemed to come back into motion and followed Alec’s action and rubbed on him in return.

‘So……is it alright if I say we throw the pact away and just make it up as we go? As long as we let each other know when something’s not right?’

Magnus asked slowly, as Alec took the soft sponge to wash off the bubbles on his body. ‘Absolutely.’ Alec smiled and gave him a peck on his lips, as he continued to wash him off.

‘Why didn’t I feel it when you first put shower gel on me?’

Magnus groaned as the soft material touched upon his groin, earning a smirk out of Alec.

'Well you said I render you speechless, maybe you were too fixated on what’s coming out of my mouth instead of my hand earlier?’ Alec grinned smugly.

‘Oh you are not getting out of this, Alexander Lightwood.’

With that, Magnus returned his hands onto Alec’s back, tracing every muscle down to his waist. Returning Alec’s smirk with his own, he did not hesitate before groping his ass and had his other hand slipping down Alec’s thigh, skipping his most sensitive area.

‘God, fuck!’ Alec shouted.

‘Not quite yet and it is just Magnus here.’

Magnus continued to squeeze his ass and slipping his hand up and down on Alec’s thigh. Not willing to back down from Magnus’ challenge and seeing that they were both clean already, Alec turned off the shower and shoved Magnus out of it, forcing Magnus to stop whatever motion he was doing. Alec grabbed the towel from the hanger (thanking whatever deity that Magnus had insisted they only used huge fluffy towels in their apartment) and wrapped the two of them together, hastily drying them both off. Meanwhile, Magnus could only hold onto Alec harder, not knowing how to react to the rash action of him. He groaned loudly as their dicks touch upon each other, with how close Alec had pulled them together in one towel.

‘If we are doing anything tonight, I want us to do it in a proper bed, is that alright with you?’

Alec leaned down and breathed hot to his ear before he whispered to him. Magnus could only whimper against him and feeling every nerve of his body heating up against Alec’s words. Alec dropped the towel and lifted Magnus up. Magnus automatically wrapped his legs around Alec’s waist, hands circling Alec’s neck. Alec carried him straight into the bedroom and dropped him on the cover unceremoniously. Since Magnus’ hands did not release Alec’s neck, he dragged Alec down on him. Alec crashed down on top of him. It took a few moments for Alec to lift himself up, so that he could take in the glorious naked body of Magnus beneath him. Alec hovered over Magnus on his bed. Never in his wildest dream would he imagine that he could have this chance, to have Magnus on his bed, naked. He took his time to drink in every inch of Magnus’ body, not touching him in any way yet.

‘Enjoy the view?’ Magnus teased, yet one look into his eyes Alec could recognized the insecurity and fear in those warm brown eyes. He knew Magnus was still afraid of not being enough, that Alec would not like what he saw.

‘Yeah absolutely. Magnus, you are beautiful.’ Alec admired the sight before him.

‘Now you are just saying that.’ Magnus laughed.

‘Don’t believe me? Then I will tell you just exactly how you look to me before I actually start doing anything.’

Alec would have been shy, but if Magnus needed assurance that he was more than enough for Alec in bed and out of it, that would be something that Alec could do. He gently leaned down to kiss Magnus, just chastely on the lips not slipping in too deep with the tongue. He could feel Magnus grinning into the kiss, it warmed his heart to be able to feel his smile against his own lips. Alec then continued to kiss down to his jaw, onto his neck, making Magnus laugh as he mumbled to Alec that it felt too much like tickling on his neck. Alec looked up to him and flashed him a smirk before he continued his way down, which made Magnus felt heat flow through his body.

He sucked on Magnus’ collarbone and then continued to lick on every inch of skin until his mouth reached Magnus’ right nipple, using his other hand to tug on the other one. It had Magnus shivering against his touches, moaning and hands smothering through his back muscles. They came close to wrapping around his skull when Alec continued his way down. Magnus could feel the soft curls against his fingers, gently rubbing on his scalp, wanting to remember every detail on Alec. Alec could feel Magnus’ skin hot against his own touch, it sparked anticipation through his veins. It was not long before Alec lowered himself to come face to face with Magnus’ cock. He took in the head and started to swipe his tongue around it. One hand holding down his hip, another interlocking with Magnus’, grounding them both. He took his every moan and gasp as signals to give extra pressure to which spot or nerves.

Magnus felt the pressure building up, as Alec’s mouth was hot and sending his every nerve on high alert. He tugged Alec’s hand, as to warn Alec that he was about to come. Yet, he only took his cock further into his mouth, loosened his hand on his hip and using it to massage its base. Magnus’ hip bucked from the bed, almost choking Alec as tears swelled up from his eyes, just as Magnus came right into his mouth. Magnus gasped and panted, as Alec swallowed most of it, some still spilled onto Magnus’ stomach.

Just as Magnus seemed to be tugging Alec back up, he licked into Alec’s mouth immediately, eager to taste himself in Alec. Alec took both of his hands to slip into Magnus’ hair, grabbing and pulling as he relished in kissing Magnus. Meanwhile, Magnus slipped his hands in-between their bodies and grabbed Alec’s cock, squeezing it from head to bottom, as Alec kept gasping and groaning. He kept his hands around his cock, while his fist gently smearing precum over the head and pressing in. Magnus then spread more precum on his hands to slick up his movements, increasing its speed to match Alec’s attempt to jerk forward with his body. It was not long before Alec came all over between them, as Magnus kept stroking him through his orgasm.

Alec collapsed on top of Magnus, both trying to catch their breath, ignoring the sticky mess between their chest. Magnus gently turned sideway, so Alec could land on the mattress, instead of draping his entire weight on Magnus.

‘Sorry sweetheart, as much as I love to have you on top of me, you are not the same weight as the ones I go for during workouts.’ Magnus simpered, before he turned for the bedside table for swipes.

Alec laid down on the bed, taking in Magnus’ butt and back muscle as he faced away. As Magnus turned back to clean them up, they seemed to be in sync with each other that they both needed silence to take in each other, that they just allowed each other to touch their bodies thoroughly.

It was not until Magnus stood up from the bed and threw away the swipes, slipped back into the bed and Alec automatically dragged back the blanket to cover them both that Magnus broke the silence.

‘You are amazing, Alexander.’

He had one hand cradling Alec’ cheek, another wrapped tightly around his waist, then kissed him again. Alec also had one hand wrapped tightly around Magnus’ back, while the other kept caressing every inch of muscle that he didn’t get to feel when they were having sex, it smoothed through his shoulder blades, pass his spine, lightly scratching on his butt cheeks and finally resting back above his waist.

‘Thought you’d think that was kind of fast.’

Alec couldn’t think of a proper reply to Magnus’ genuine word and sincere eyes staring right into him, that he could only come up with lighter retort.

‘Alexander, we have both waited for so long with each other, fast was the only probable outcome.’

Magnus gave a light laugh before he continued.

'I don’t mind at all because I could finally feel all of you with my body, because it is you that I could draw close to. You are amazing with your mouth, I will tell you that. But you are amazing because you would carry me to the bed, make me writhe beneath your touches and your mouth. You are amazing because it is you that stay and wait for me, who would still stare at my back and ass just as I turned away. I feel safe and secure when I’m around you and……anchored.’

Magnus leaned further into Alec’s neck as he made his confession, his eyes still burning into Alec’s. Alec’s face was practically burning from Magnus’ praise, still he leaned down to kiss on Magnus’ forehead before he gave him a reply.

‘I just love to have you in my arms, knowing that I could take care of you, that I could make you feel comfortable and safe.’

Alec smiled, sniffing on Magnus’ hair, so that Magnus would not see how hard he was blushing with his own words, before he pulled back a few inches and made himself eye to eye with Magnus again. The man in question had already comfortably curled up against Alec, having their legs tangled together, head lightly leaned on Alec’s chest.

‘I love you, Alexander.’

As those words were uttered to Alec, he froze for a moment before seeing fondness, admiration and love blinking in Magnus’ eyes. His heart was flipping like insane inside him, relieved that he could finally say those words to the man he had fallen in love with.

‘I love you, too.’

Alec then kissed on Magnus’ forehead and reached further to turn off the bedside lamp. Magnus immediately kissed him on his lips, just as he settled back into the man’s arms, both feeling like they would never get tired of kissing each other. It was not until tiredness from earlier caught up with them, until they were breathing against each other, that they finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> -Magnus' mum hung herself  
> -Magnus got beaten at adopted home  
> -Blood? Violence?
> 
> Okay I changed it to Magnus being beaten, because since he had no magic in this verse, the father won't go straight drowning him? Also i just throw Ragnor and Catarina in because Magnus deserves having friends with him, no matter what AU he's in?  
> Edit: 27/09/2016 Slightly changed when Raphael noticed Alec, because I need to draw a floor plan of the apartment so it'd fit both this part and the prequel I'm writing currently.


End file.
